i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
