Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
