we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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