How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
