I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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