how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
