Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize