Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
