She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
