Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
