Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
