I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
