I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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