I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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