a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
