My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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