is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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