I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
