then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
