While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize