I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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