Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
