At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
