I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
