get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
