its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
