how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Vodka?
Forever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
