In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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