Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
