hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
