I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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