just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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