I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
