Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
