I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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