Your face is a jimmy john
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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