i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
