she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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