At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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