I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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