he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
