My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
