Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my liver is dry heaving
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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