Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize