do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
