shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize