Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
