I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
