I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
