I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
