Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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