i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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