clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
