Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
