So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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