It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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