so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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