I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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