I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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