every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
