but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
