At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
