his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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