Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
