I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
