omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
