I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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