Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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