Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
