A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
