I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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